The first sign may have nothing to do with school.

A child who slept until nine every morning all summer suddenly cannot fall asleep. Another begins complaining, out of nowhere, that their stomach hurts. A teenager turns unusually irritable, retreating behind a closed bedroom door for hours at a stretch. A younger child who seemed genuinely excited about the new year suddenly shows signs of separation anxiety, insisting that a parent walk them all the way inside on the first day.

School has not started yet. The anxiety has.

For some children, the emotional transition back to school begins weeks before the first bell rings, as they quietly rehearse new teachers, unfamiliar classmates, harder assignments, crowded hallways, separation from parents, tryouts and the general social uncertainty that comes with another year. Adults may see two remaining weeks of summer. A worried child may see a countdown.

The challenge for parents is recognizing that school anxiety rarely announces itself with the words "I'm anxious about school." Sometimes it looks like a stomach ache. Sometimes it looks like anger. Sometimes it looks like silence.

Sleeping

One of the first places anxiety surfaces is at bedtime. Children may struggle to fall asleep, wake during the night, or start asking a parent to stay nearby. Teenagers may stay awake far later than usual, which parents can reasonably chalk up to summer schedules and phones, and sometimes that is exactly what is happening. But difficulty sleeping can also travel with worry.

Night removes many of the distractions that keep anxious thoughts quiet during the day. Suddenly a child is lying in bed running through who will be in their class, whether the work will be too hard, whether they will know where to go, or whether last year's social problems will follow them into this one.

Parents should resist turning bedtime into an interrogation. A quieter opening tends to work better: "I've noticed you've had trouble sleeping lately. Is anything about going back to school on your mind?" Then listen. The goal is not to eliminate the worry on the spot. It is to understand what the worry actually is.

The Stomach Ache That Keeps Returning

Children often experience emotions physically before they have the vocabulary to describe them. Anxiety can trigger real physical symptoms, including stomachaches, headaches, nausea, fatigue, and a general sense of feeling unwell. These complaints frequently intensify when school is discussed or as the start of the school year approaches.

Experts emphasize that these symptoms are not imagined. Anxiety activates the body's stress response, producing genuine physical discomfort that can be just as distressing as the emotional feelings behind it. When adults dismiss these concerns by saying, “There’s nothing wrong,” children may feel both misunderstood and unsupported. Recognizing the connection between emotional stress and physical symptoms can help parents and caregivers respond with empathy, validate a child’s experience, and address the underlying source of anxiety.

At the same time, recurring or serious physical symptoms should never be automatically written off as anxiety. Parents should still consult a pediatrician when symptoms are persistent, severe or otherwise concerning.

The more useful question is whether there is a pattern. Does the stomach ache appear when school shopping begins, before orientation, when a particular classmate comes up, or every Sunday night? Patterns can reveal what children have not yet found the words to explain.

Irritability Can Be Anxiety

Parents often expect an anxious child to look frightened. Some look furious instead. A child worried about returning to school may become argumentative, impatient or unusually reactive, and simple requests can produce outsized responses. Conversations about school may end abruptly with "I don't care," "leave me alone" or "stop asking me about it." For adolescents especially, anger can feel safer than admitting fear.

That does not mean parents should accept disrespectful behavior. Boundaries still matter. But responding only to the attitude can miss the emotion sitting underneath it. Instead of escalating every tense exchange, parents can get curious about the sudden shift in behavior: "You seem more frustrated lately. What's been bothering you?" That question leaves considerably more room for honesty than "What is wrong with your attitude?"

Withdrawal Deserves Attention

Some children grow quieter as school approaches. They may stop responding to friends, spend more time alone, lose interest in activities they used to enjoy, or avoid any conversation about the coming year. A little withdrawal does not automatically signal a serious problem, since children, like adults, sometimes need space. The real concern is change. A highly social child who abruptly stops answering friends is telling you something through behavior, even before they are ready to explain it in words, and so is the child who loved soccer but suddenly refuses to go to preseason practice because "it's stupid."

Parents should pay closer attention when withdrawal comes paired with persistent sadness, significant changes in sleep or appetite, frequent physical complaints or statements suggesting hopelessness. Those signs call for a deeper conversation and, when appropriate, support from a pediatrician, school counselor or mental health professional.

Do Not Promise That Everything Will Be Fine

When children are worried, adults naturally reach for reassurance: "You'll love your teacher." "Nobody is going to bother you." "You're going to have a great year." Parents want these statements to be true, which is exactly why they offer them, but the honest answer is that no parent can actually know that.

More useful reassurance focuses on a child's ability to handle uncertainty rather than promising its absence. Instead of "nothing bad will happen," try "if something is difficult, we'll figure out what to do." Instead of "you're definitely going to make friends," try "it can take time to find your people, and that's okay." The difference is subtle, but it matters. The goal is not convincing a child that school contains no problems, since school contains plenty of problems. The goal is helping a child believe those problems can be managed.

Make the Unknown More Familiar

Anxiety thrives on uncertainty, and parents can chip away at a good deal of it before the first day. Visit the school if it is permitted. Attend orientation. Walk or drive the morning route together. Find the bus stop. Look at the school's website as a family. Review the daily schedule. Practice opening a locker if that is a source of worry. Help a younger child learn a teacher's name in advance.

For a child entering middle or high school, even understanding the physical layout of the building can ease a surprising amount of worry, and this matters most during major transitions: kindergarten, middle school, high school, or a move to a new district. Adults tend to forget how many small uncertainties come bundled with those changes. Where is the bathroom? What happens if I'm late? Where do I sit at lunch? What if I miss the bus? Who do I ask if I don't know where my class is? Those questions sound trivial from the driver's seat. They do not feel trivial at eleven years old.

Restore Routines Before the First Day

A child's nervous system should not have to adjust to a new school, new teachers, new expectations and a radically different sleep schedule all at once. Begin moving bedtime and wake-up time toward the school schedule before classes begin as part of a steady bedtime routine. Bring meals closer to school-day timing, reintroduce morning routines, cut back on very late-night screen use, and start laying out backpacks and clothes the night before.

None of this eliminates anxiety. It simply removes avoidable chaos from an already demanding back-to-school transition, so the night before school is not also the first night in two months a child is expected to fall asleep at 9:30.

Ask Better Questions

"Are you excited for school?" is probably the most common question adults ask children about a new school year, and it is also surprisingly limiting, since a child who is not excited may feel like they are giving the wrong answer. More specific questions tend to produce far more useful information: "What are you looking forward to?" "What part are you least sure about?" "Is there anyone you're hoping is in your class?" "What would make the first week easier?" "What do you want me to know before school starts?"

Sometimes the answer will surprise you. A parent may assume a child is worried about academics when the real concern is changing for gym. A child who appears afraid of a new teacher may actually be worried about sitting alone at lunch. There is no solving the right problem until you know which problem your child is actually carrying.

The First Day Is Bigger in the Imagination

Before school begins, children are rehearsing a year that has not happened yet. The teacher they have not met is already strict. The lunch table they have not approached is already lonely. The assignment they have not received is already too difficult. Anxiety is remarkably talented at filling in blank spaces with the worst possible version of events.

Parents do not need to fill those same spaces with equally unrealistic optimism. They can offer something sturdier instead: preparation, routine, honest conversation and perspective. And underneath all of it, the quiet confidence that whatever waits beyond those school doors, a child will not have to figure it out alone.